Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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