i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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