look no pants
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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