Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
