hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
