Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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