His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
