It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
