In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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