Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
