Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
