hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
