I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
