I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
