I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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