so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
