Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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