i was born a porn star she said
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
