Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
