my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
