Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
