Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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