I swear she didn't look like that last week.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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