dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
my liver is dry heaving
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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