well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
