ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
