So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
