am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
