i would punch a child for taco bell
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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