Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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