the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
