did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
