I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
