that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
