The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
