I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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