I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
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