i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
