remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
