new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
