I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
