Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
