He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Two words: blizzard sex
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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