I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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