so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
