so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
