My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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