Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize