Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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