As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
