He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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