im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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