I CAN MOONWALK!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
