Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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