Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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