@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
