I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
