went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You may now shotgun with the bride
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
